Afternoon Tea at Malmaison Cheltenham

Us Brits do love an afternoon tea. It's an act steeped in history thanks to that early nineteenth century pro-snacker Anna the 7th Duchess of Bedford, and has always had this high society, upper class feel to it. Elegant and indulgent; sipping tea and nibbling crustless sandwiches and delicate fancies. Oh how the other half live!

It's no secret that I'm a lover of this ritual - at half past three, everything stops for tea - and have written about a few of my experiences before (see here). However, it really is one of life's little luxuries, and I only ever really go for afternoon tea on special occasions. Lets face it, if I were to scoff copious amounts of cake on a regular basis, I'd definitely start resembling the Michelin man in no time at all.

So, with that in mind, I was delighted when a little email arrived inviting me to Cheltenham's Malmaison to test out their afternoon tea (permission to gorge without cause granted). Soon enough, after a much needed half day at work on a Friday, off I went - friend in tow - to see what all the fuss was about.

In case you've been living under a rock for that past couple of months, Malmaison has found its home in what used to be Montpellier Chapter. From first glance, you can't really notice any change, other than maybe a couple of widescreen TVs in the lounge areas and a completely different menu coming from the kitchen, but that's fine; it was lovely hotel before anyway, so if it ain't broke, don't fix it - capiche?

It was gloriously sunny and were sat in the conservatory - slight risk of feeling like an ant under a magnifying glass on such a day - though surrounded by all the big leafy greens, with a gentle breeze coming through the open door, and a cold glass of Mumm Rosé Champagne in hand, we could hardly complain.

Malmaison's afternoon tea is a bit more contemporary than most - especially in comparison to the countrified Cotswolds versions. The triangular sandwiches have been ousted, instead being replaced by wraps and a burger; there's not a tart in sight, and we have a selection of gluten free goodies alongside a fruit smoothie?! Don't worry though, I very much doubt that there's an inch of health in that smoothie (healthiness doesn't come into question with afternoon tea - ever); it's basically a mini milkshake, and delicious it is too. Oh and there's a fruit scone, obviously.

Starting savoury, we headed to the burger first. A perfectly formed shiny bun, with a decent sized patty in the middle. Despite my doubts, it was super juicy and had just enough sauce, with a crisp lettuce leave adding a bit of crunch. Being a little pedantic though, we both felt it could have done with a bit more seasoning.

The wraps were a good touch - slightly less bread to fill up on - but I couldn't find much crème fraîche with my salmon. And with the chicken and avocado one, although the chipotle mayo had the right reddish hue, it wasn't smoky or spicy at all. C'est la vie.

The scones were crumbly and packed with fruit, but we were surprised that they came with mini jars of Bonne Maman - classic - but a jam made in-house or something local would've been more impressive. And we couldn't quite put our finger on what was different about the clotted cream either; it didn't have that thick gloopy texture you usually get, as if it was maybe a lower fat version…?! Clearly we're too used to Rodda's Cornish cream.

Struggling slightly, we worked our way through the sweet treats (admittedly not being able to finish everything). The lemon and polenta cake (GF) was just my cup of tea; slightly sharp, sticky and nutty. And I always approve of jazzing things up up with pistachios. The salted chocolate brownie was also gluten free, making it super moist and almost truffle like.

The pavlova was a welcome 'lighter' addition, and the meringue base held itself well; had it have been any more mallowy in the middle, I can imagine it'd have been near impossible to pick up and eat. The frozen summer berry smoothie acted as some sort of palate cleanser between each sweet, and I saved my favourite until last - the rhubarb cream. Tangy pieces of rhubarb in syrup lay at the bottom of a shot glass, topped with a set rich vanilla cream and a final layer of rhubarb jelly. A pick me up at the end of a weighty afternoon, although the tea spoons were a bit too big to reach the bottom of the glass - doh!

All in all, a hotel afternoon tea with a twist, and at £17.50pp with your pot of tea (more if you opt for champagne or cocktails), Malmaison has it at a really good price too. I'd say it's a lot more man friendly than most, and an easy crowd pleaser for the family. Perhaps not snazzy enough to take your mum for Mother's Day though - stick to Ellenborough Park for that.

Seeing Out 2015 Pt. 2

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 
Before we get too far into January, it's time to finish off telling you the tail end of 2015 (see my previous post here).

Avoiding the Christmas panic, The Chap and I took some time out for ourselves and spent a few well earned weekends doing the things we love most. 

Firstly, Brunch... Instead of heading out to a café, myself and another blogger buddy, Roseann from Honeybourne Line (check her out), arranged a brunch date at hers. Obviously, The Chap and her other half Kinglsey, of Kingsley Leather (check him out too), were in on it as well. 

We all first met at last year's Diamond Rush, boozily sipping Champers in Beard's after finding our gems, little did we know that we had so much in common! A few diamond winner dinners later, and here we are; a food blogger's brunch (accompanied by two hungry food loving fellows), and having each made a sweet and a savoury option, we had loads to go round. 

Roseann and Kingsley whipped up Jamie O's Pancetta Hash with Eggs & Apple Salad along with what's essentially a deliciously sweet yorkshire pudding - Dutch Baby with Fresh Berries. The Chap and I turned up with our make-ahead-transportable-goods, Ruby Tandoh's Broccoli, Gorgonzola & Walnut Quiche and the best readers' recipe from the OFM Awards 2015, Masala Chai Banana Bread with Coconut, Cream Cheese & Cardamom Icing. Washed down with tea, coffee, buck's fizz and prosecco, we somehow grazed our way through 4 whole hours! Job well done I'd say, and we'll definitely have to do it again.

Tivoli Wines Christmas Wine Fair is our annual indicator that it is in fact coming up to Christmas. Every year we lower the tone in The Bacon Theatre, stumbling around, trying as much as is humanly possible. Thankfully, The Chap's brother and sister in law joined us this year, so we weren't drunkenly chatting and embarrassing ourselves alone - haha! As always, it was a cracking night. Pop it in your diary now - the last Friday of November.

As a Christmas present to ourselves, we booked a trip to London to eat, drink and be merry in the places we love best. We stayed at the Town Hall Hotel in Bethnal Green, which I'd wholeheartedly recommend to anyone; it's stunning. There's a snazzy restaurant within the building - The Typing Room - and a shit-hot cocktail bar, Peg + Patriot. The Piccadilly Circus with daikon infused Nikka Whisky, fermented rice, purple shiso, Belsazar White Vermouth, sesame oil and dried seawater is incredible. 

Street Feast's #HawkerHouse has become a bit of a winter tradition between us, so we managed to get a visit in just before it finished it's residency at Canada Water. Whisky roulette, Smokestak ribs, Kamm & Sons cocktails, wine, and so much food made for a pretty special night. 

Oysters are a must on any Scott and Lucie adventure, and in two days we managed to have them twice! The brand new Noble Rot Bar & Restaurant was the top of our 'to do list', and having some seriously good wine paired with half a dozen oysters as soon as we arrived in the big smoke set the tone for the weekend pretty well. The other oysters came from Decatur at Druid Street Market; chargrilled Maldon rock oysters with butter, cajun spices and hot sauce. These totally sorted out our hangovers, and not having tried cooked oysters before, we're now desperate to give them a go at home!

Other eats in the Druid Street/Maltby Street area included the mega Reuben at Monty's Deli. We've tried various times to try the salt beef sarnies after seeing them on Tom Kerridge's TV programme yonks ago, and with a full on arch, rather than just a stall, we finally got our chops around one. It was everything we wanted it to be, I'm only sad that I had to share.

40 Maltby Street is a no reservations natural wine bar that serves up some wonderful food alongside some quirky wines. Avoiding the crappy weather, The Chap, my bestie and I pulled up a pew and spent a few hours sipping vino and munching on fried pheasant.

As you might have guessed from previous posts (and the start of this entry), brunch is a sure fire hit with me. I torture myself by perving on all the London Food Instagrammers on a daily basis, but it's so useful in gauging where's best to go when we're in town. Nine times out of ten it's bang on, but unfortunately we got struck with that 1/10 this time. Kopapa's Turkish Eggs are Instagram famous, but I felt the taste wasn't quite as good as the hype; the chilli butter could have been spicier, and paying a tenner for the privilege seemed a little steep. The Chap's experience was the clincher though, his pot of tea arrived cold and his Chorizo Hash came with two non-runny fried eggs. I so wanted it to be good, but I fear it's a case of Social Media making things look better than they are (see Jay Rayner's Observer article on this). 

The Grape Escape's December wine tasting was a Christmas special; 4 rounds - fizz, whites, reds and sweets - with 3 wines for each... Dreamy. Though it was even more significant for me, as I offered my services and rustled up some food to accompany each round! Coming back (hungover) from London on Sunday afternoon, I cooked a hoofin' turkey, and didn't stop in the kitchen until the tasting started on Monday night (note the last photo above). The menu was:

Fizz: Parmesan biscuits. Pork, apple, apricot & thyme sausage rolls. Stilton & walnut balls.
Whites: Smoked salmon blinis, Prawn cocktail lettuce cups.
Reds: Devils on horseback. Turkey, cranberry and stuffing sandwiches.
Sweets: Mince pies. Chocolate puddles. Clementine cake.

Had I not gone to London and had the whole weekend to prep, I'm sure it would have been a much easier task, but I'm still pretty chuffed with how it all turned out. And a thank you present in the form of Broc Cellars Carbenet Franc Fizz made the last minute stress all worth it.

Finally, after months of people prying, I asked my two favourite ladies to be my bridesmaids. Having not seen one of them since my birthday, we organised a day trip to Birmingham to celebrate, and what better celebration than Afternoon Tea?! The Edgbaston, which is a bit of a trek out of the centre, was recommended to me, and as soon as we got there and saw the black and gold Art Deco decor, I knew we were in for a treat.

We started with a cocktail (because their cocktail list is mega), and I had the Smoke & Mirrors, which arrived in a glass dome filled with smoke; Glenfarclas, Smoked PX Sherry, Cherry Liqueur and Chocolate Bitters. Yes.

Our afternoon tea started with an amuse bouche cloaked in dry ice; carrot cake crumble, carrot purée and spiced brandy ice cream. Being December, everything had a festive twist, and we even had a turkey and cranberry sandwich in our selection. The warm scones - one fruit, one plain - were crisp on the outside, sweet and fluffy on the inside, and piled high with jam and clotted cream, I was in heaven.

The patisserie/petit fours were the highlight though; green apple meringue Christmas trees. mini mince pies, passion fruit and coconut macaron snowmen, berry meringue mushrooms and a rum and chestnut tart (which was my favourite).

It's £25 per person for The Edgbaston's Afternoon Tea, or £33 to include a glass of Champagne. Money well spent.

So that's 2015 done and dusted. Here's to a more exciting year ahead! 

Start as you mean to go on..

 HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you had a good one. I've been a little quiet lately thanks to too much Christmas scoffing and boozing (I'm most certainly entering 2014 a little rounder than I'd like) but I thought I'd start the year with a good'un - about cake no less.

I sent a geeky letter to Waitrose a few months back, in the hope of possibly winning some fancy Le Creuset cookware, not because I just wanted a new pen pal. No surprises, I didn't cut the mustard and wasn't included in their letters section, but I did get a nice reply. I titled it 'Being True to Beetroot', and here it is..

"I've always been fascinated by vegetable cakes; I remember the revelation as a child that carrot cake did in fact contain carrots, to which I then inspected every slice to get a glimpse of those flecks of the orange veg. So, I was thrilled to find some alternative recipes in the latest Waitrose magazine, and, mixer in hand, I directed myself to the kitchen straight away - also, the fact that The Great British Bake Off has just started again has meant that I've had a thirst for baking for the past couple of weeks! 

I thought I would share a photo of the lovely beetroot cake I made following Lily Vanilli's recipe. Now, I'm not going to lie, it was a fair bit of effort - lots and lots of grating - I was literally caught red handed making a mountain of washing up, but it was totally worth it. I've had beetroot cake in various guises before, mainly chocolate or richly spiced cakes, but this one made with polenta really brought out the earthiness that you typically associate with this root vegetable, and the mascarpone frosting, not being overly sweet, made it a very grown up bake - despite it's vivid colour!

So, thank you for including the recipe, it was delicious, and I'll be sure to try out the Fiona Cairns butternut squash and Harry Eastwood courgette ones too. They certainly make eating cake feel more virtuous."

.. What I didn't say was that I'd actually made this cake a week or so before the magazine came out, and seized the opportunity to be in it to win it (don't hate me Waitrose!). I've had Lily Vanilli's 'Sweet Tooth' book, which the recipe is from, for quite some time and made numerous things -successfully - from it. I've also visited her teeny little bakery, that's only open on Sundays, near Columbia Road's flower market in East London, it's the best place for a naughty brunch, but be prepared to queue as it's very popular. Sweet Tooth is a baking bible. If you're into cakes/tarts/biscuits/etc then this is an absolute must. Its filled with beautiful recipes which have interesting flavour combinations - bacon and maple syrup tea cakes, hot toddy tarts, baked apple cider doughnuts - and it explains in quite straightforward terms the 'sciencey' bits behind baking, with plenty of tips to tighten your technique. It has become my go-to book for anything sugar related, and with lots of ideas on decoration (without a poncey piping set), you can really create some masterpieces at home.

So, if Santa didn't bring you the book for Christmas this year, may I suggest you treat yourself a little New Year's present, it's worth every penny. Oh, and make sure you try the beetroot cake.

A Postcard from London Pt. 2

Day two of our London feasting began with a breakfast of epic proportions. We were staying at No. Ten Manchester Street in Marleybone, which houses the Italian restaurant Dieci, so out with your usual buffet brekkie, and in with a naughty menu of all the Benedict's, pancakes and meaty eats. I had Italian poached eggs, which had the darkest yolks imaginable, served on english muffins, with Norcia black truffle ragout on top. Truffles for breakfast, I really can't think of a more extravagant start to the day.

Bermondsey's Maltby Street Market (with a friend, pictured above!) was our main aim of the day, and after seeing it on Tom Kerridge's programme last month, we couldn't wait to go check it out. Unfortunately, the weather was not on our side, but brollies up, we made it in time for Monmouth Coffee catch-ups before lunch. The market on the Ropewalk, has a number of stall holders, both outside and under the railway arches, and is a more concise version of the famous Borough; less crowded and seemingly more sincere. The smaller scale makes it a little easier (not much) for greedy folk like me. When there's too much choice, it becomes almost impossible to decide what to eat (usually I want it all).

Anyway, Monty's Deli has a bit of a reputation - Jewish style, pastrami, swiss cheese, rye, pickles kind of thing - and with a sign on the door saying 'sold out' and a queue still poking out of the archway, there was no chance. We plumped for Market Gourmet's big brioche buns instead, with a tumbler of red wine from the stall opposite. Beef brisket with rarebit and horseradish, and a mean pulled pork with onion/apple/cranberry. If I had to pick, the beef was the winner, and with a 72 hour sous-vide recipe, I'm not surprised.

For dessert, which we had to take away with us for laters, we made a b-line to Poppy & Sebastian's domed delights. I'd seen and heard of the perfectly made patisserie before, mainly thanks to The YBF's (Young British Foodies), in which Poppy won the baking category earlier in the year. The chap had a take on a 'Snickers' (seen above); creamy, chocolatey, peanutty, with a luxurious salted caramel and chocolate pastry base. I had a pistachio green coloured one with a yellow flower on top; it was autumnal, with quince and custard, and almost too pretty to eat. Easily the most exciting patisserie I've ever seen/had.

As we hit the evening, drinks before dinner took us to Beard To Tail; 'Shoreditch Sisters' with Callooh Callay (award winning cocktail bar) but focussed just on meat and whisky, simples. There's a dirty Americana vibe; big meats, big flavours, pickles, bourbon, rye and whisky spelt with an 'ey' - we'll forgive them for that - and it's all very industrial chic, you know the sort. With an impressive looking bar as you walk in, filled with eager boozers, and stuff to look at on the walls, we made ourselves at home. I chose an 'Elegant Illinois', FEW Bourbon, black cherry and violet liqueur, topped with champagne, whilst the other half had his spirit straight up. Down they went, and off for our dinner reservation.

Rotary Bar Diner was our restaurant of choice tonight, if that's what you'd call it. In their words, it's an all day until late-night bar/diner/music; great food, serious booze, and a DJ busting out the tunes in a 70s-teak-retro-kitchen-get-up. It's a pop-up of sorts. It's had it's home here near Old Street for quite a while, but sadly, after a 10 month stint, the building is going to be demolished and re-developed at the end of the year. You'd better go now or regret it later - there's only 21 days left!

Working with Carl Clarke from Disco Bistro, they serve US style food - buns, BBQ, grills - which you can eat in or take away, alongside craft beers and pint sized cocktails for a tenner. They also do a flight of six Mezcals, which, if you polish them off, you get your name up on the hall of fame. The idea of fried foods, dips, slaws, and the likes, doesn't sound like it could carry itself with much finesse, but Rotary goes against those presumptions, and the hype behind it is most certainly deserved.

Armed with a margarita that was bigger than my face, I went for one of the specials, Dexter Veal sirloin cooked on wood, with fermented kimchee and crispy onions. There were so many interesting flavours and textures on the plate, and I had a very generous amount of rosy veal; I'm salivating just thinking about it now. The chap chose Hickory Smoked Belly Ribs, which had a Korean twist, and came with pickles, potato salad and jalapeno cornbread, then some naughty dripping chips on the side. Instantly I had some jealousy, and demanded I try some. Frankly, it was perfect. I don't know whether it was because we weren't expecting it, or what, but it blew us away and we both agreed it was the best food we had eaten out in a long time.

Following that, we had one last mission - Hawker House. No doubt you'll have heard about Street Feast; London's pioneering night market, where the best street food traders, chefs, restaurants and bars come together to take over car parks, warehouses, builders merchants, old tube stations, to 'create a haven for lovers of great food and drink'. Well, this is the latest venture; found somewhere between Hackney and Broadway Market, it's a warm, indoor, knee's up every weekend in the run up to Christmas.

We didn't have any room for anything remotely solid, we were only here for liquid top ups, but if we did find ourselves peckish, there was plenty of choice - BOBs Lobster, Breddos Tacos, Slider Bar, Smokestak, and more. It's free to get in before 8pm, but after that it costs 3 bucks, you do get a 'Hot Shot' on entry though, and you can stay til 2am, so it's a done deal. Drinks wise, Rotary man the main bar, serving up all the staples and more giant cocktails. Street Vin take charge on the wine front, and there's a hot bar, dishing out steamy beverages; boozy hot chocs, hot buttered rum, and the most delicious orangey mulled wine.. Quite festive if you ask me. The main attraction is the whisky bar, choose from a list of 50 or let the Gods decide with the Random Whisky Generator. Or, if you're like me, go for a cocktail - sours, manhattans, old fashioneds - the classics, all served in big milkshake paper cups with a straw.

All year I've been following Tweat_Up/Street Feast on Twitter, absolutely green with envy because of the momentary happenings, effortlessly stylish food and creatively crafted drinks. Now, finally, I've managed to get to one of their events, and it was everything I hoped it would be. I only wish I had a bigger belly to fit all the goods in.

Eat responsibly. Drink dangerously. That's my motto. 

Colourful Cake Club

So, I've joined a cake club. It was only a matter of time really, wasn't it? I'd read an article about it in a magazine a few months ago, The Clandestine Cake Club its called, and now, whilst the post Bake Off depression has started to set in, it seemed like the perfect time to join.

The premise is straightforward; bake, eat and talk about cake. A theme and a date will be posted on the website, though the location is kept top secret until the last minute, members then interpret and bake their own creation to bring and share. You chat, gossip, swap ideas, share knowledge, and ultimately attempt to eat your body weight in sugary sponge. Its free, fun and you get to take cake home - if you haven't over done it, and can face it, that is.

As with all clubs, there are a few rules; each cake must be large enough to cut into 8-12 decent slices, and cupcakes, muffins, brownies, cookies, pies and tarts are all prohibited. Its a strict cake only club, as conversations begin as soon as you sink that knife in for the first time. Both home-bakers and pro's can join, but its not a competition, so no one should get hung up about what their cake looks or tastes like. Even if it is a failure, at least there's something to laugh about! Experiment, eat and enjoy.

It was the Cheltenham group's fifth meeting last week, though it was my first, and the theme was 'colours of the rainbow'; an attempt to brighten our spirits after all of this dreary autumnal weather. After scouring through my stack of cookbooks, I ended up choosing a little recipe that I had cut out of a newspaper supplement; a basil and berry cake. Possibly a risky move for my first attendance, but its all about being adventurous, so a heap of the herb was whizzed up in the cake mixture, and then a generous dollop of green food colouring was added for good measure. I can honestly say that its the brightest cake I've ever made, and sandwiched together with a cream cheese icing and a scattering of berries, it was a feast for the eyes - sunglasses were probably necessary.

The secret location turned out to be Whole Foods Market, in their little 'cooks kitchen', and not knowing quite what to expect, I rocked up clutching my rather heavy cake tin hoping that the car journey hadn't massacred it - fear not, all was fine. There were 20 people in total, and about 15 shades of cake; lots of red velvet variations, rainbow sprinkles, bright icing and pretty piping. I was quite glad that I'd gone for an unusual recipe as most were vanilla, fancily coloured as opposed to fancy flavours, so the sharp fruits in mine softened the sugary blow. A lemon curd and raspberry cake, spiced pumpkin and a couple of chocolate ones were also a welcome addition. Though, if I had to pick a favourite, it would be the fluffy pink velvet layer cake, with pastel ribbon-like icing, all expertly executed. 

Most of the group were in their late 20's - 30's I'd say, with a handful older, and all women, bar one man who was also popping his cake club cherry, and confessed that the massive multicoloured cake he'd brought along was actually the first cake he'd ever made - both impressive and brave. A lot of people knew one another from work, and many had met at the previous events, but none of that mattered as everyone was openly chatting. The cakes had little name tags too, so it made it a bit easier to match names to faces, or cakes to faces at least.

This gay-pride-for-cakes only lasted an hour, which is probably quite a good thing as after a sugar high comes a sugar low, so, armed with tupperware, we manoeuvered round the crumbs and piled slices in to take home. I think I tried 5 cakes whilst there - a strong effort - and I took slivers of the others back for the chap, though it did look a bit like a kids party bag gone wrong when he opened the box. 

The next event is in December, and will be festive themed; Christmas jumpers at the ready.



A Tale of Two Teas

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am a cake snob. Perhaps its my love of baking, or my obsession with unusual flavours, or the fact I've been spoilt by visiting some really very nice places; but I turn my nose up at bad bakes, especially the pre-packed things you might find on the shelves of your local supermarket. Take a hike Mr Kipling, I only want the good stuff!

Unfortunately my snobbery doesn't end there.. I'm not a fan of cupcakes. As popular as they may be, I just don't understand the hype. An oversized plain sponge piled high with sickly sweet buttercream, which is a) hard to get your chops around - do you eat some icing first, or peel back the paper case and attempt to get a bit of both - and b) you get bored half way through, because they're always so bloomin' massive. They lure you in with their beautiful decoration, then leave you high and dry with disappointment. Typical false promise cakes.

Ok, I admit, I am guilty of making them on the odd occasion, but by mixing zests or jams into the cake mixture, and switching to a more grown-up cream cheese frosting, its kind of acceptable in my eyes.

Sod the OTT American treats, in true British fashion, I like nothing more than a cup of tea and a slice of cake. So, it was a good week when I had two afternoon tea's planned within four days of one another. Call me what you like, I know I'm greedy.

Firstly, and luckily for me, a friend had decided to celebrate her birthday in style this year, and had arranged for a group of us to go to Sketch in London for High Tea. Now, as much as I'd love to go and ponce around in The Ritz or The Savoy sampling their afternoon delights, this place was much more up my street. It has all the grandiose that you might associate with 'upper class dining', but none of the pretentiousness; from the chirpy doorman in his top and tails, to the striking bald lady who showed us through the late-night-fun-house styled building, and to Barney, our inexplicably charming waiter for the day.

We were seated in 'The Gallery', quite fitting for us art-minded ladies, in which the entire space, conceived by Turner Prize winning artist Martin Creed, had been transformed from a dining room into an installation. Blurring the boundaries between art and functionality, Creed's Work No.1347 sees 96 different types of marble, zigzagging their way across the floor, whilst Work No.1343 is a feature in which every single piece of cutlery, glass, table and chair used is different. Sketch seamlessly presents itself as a hub for art, food and design. Just perfect.

So, when in Rome, and all that jazz, I decided to push the boat out and opted for the Queen's Afternoon Tea, which kicked off with a Dubonnet & Gin; apparently a favourite tipple of Her Royal Majesty's. Then out came pots of tea, of which I chose rose bud, and numerous cake stands, plates and bowls filled with treats, I'm surprised the table wasn't heaving underneath all that weight.

Starting from the bottom with all the savories, we had a mozzarella and pesto croque monsieur, that was gorgeously wrapped up in paper with a ribbon bow; a cucumber and ricotta sandwich, topped with asparagus; mini smoked salmon and cream cheese triangles, adorned with salmon eggs and dill, on bread which resembled a Jacob's Cracker; and a classic egg mayonnaise, crowned with a quails egg and caviar. Then we dabbled in some of the bubblegum flavoured marshmallows that were littered across the table, before going in on the scones. Still warm, we had a choice of jams, and even the clotted cream was delicately presented with blueberries and edible flowers.

Chit chats and toilet breaks (you MUST marvel at the loo's.. think Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) and we were ready to hit the hard stuff. A deconstructed strawberry cheesecake in a glass, so light and airy; a coffee eclair, which packed a punch despite being the size of my little finger; the Sketch opera, thin layers of sponge, ganache and what seemed to be caramel, so irresistibly shiny; an almond and berry tart, graced with crystallized redcurrants, a lovely balance between sharp and sweet; a mousse-like meringue cake, flavoured with Pinot Grigiot and possibly passion fruit - there were far too many things to remember; two bitesize raspberry meringues, sandwiched together with a tangy raspberry jam; and lastly, my favourite, a pistachio macaroon, which housed a boozy cherry of sorts.

It was EPIC, and for £40 without service charge, I thought it was actually quite good value. They also do gluten free and vegan options for those with dietary requirements, so no one has to miss out.

After this, I knew that my other planned tea would never be able to compete, but with the addition of a spa treatment, it made for an equally special day out. As a belated birthday present for my mum, I had booked an 'Afternoon Delight' package for the two of us at Montpellier Chapter in Cheltenham. For £35 each, a steal if you ask me, we were greeted with a pot of herbal tea, and invited to make use of the steam room and relaxation room - generously stocked with current magazines, water, dried fruit and nuts, and samples of the skincare they use. A good 45 minutes later, we each went off for our treatments; you can choose from any of their 30 minute options, my mum went for a rejuvenating facial, whilst I, after much deliberation, chose a bespoke back massage. As it turns out, I've got a few knots around my shoulders, and despite the girl being quite young and petite, she sure did a sterling job, even in just half an hour. Oh, and my mum's facial was so good that she almost fell asleep, and has been raving about how her skin has felt ever since.

Following that, we went into the bar/conservatory area for our afternoon tea, which, quite controversially, we had with coffee because we needed a pick me up after all that pampering. Delicate finger sandwiches, all crustless and uniform; cucumber, smoked salmon and cream cheese, and ham and wholegrain mustard. A modest sultana scone, which we dolloped an almost obscene amount of clotted cream and strawberry jam on - I still can never decide which order they should be applied. Then a selection of classic's; an eclair, a miniature tea loaf, an individual victoria sponge, and a fruit tart filled with the richest vanilla custard.

As Goldilocks might say, it was just right.